Thursday, June 3, 2010

The difficult thing about a setback is not to anticipate a downhill slide. My heart dropped, though outwardly I appeared calm. I had been weeding this morning, and something just seemed amiss. Mik was back in bed, which is not unusual for a teenager, but unusual for her. I tried to find an excuse to go by her room to listen. If she was fine I would feel like I was invading her privacy - but when she asked me for Atavan I knew she had heard me creep in. She changed her mind as soon as I found it, but at that moment I was back to only months ago the days of consoling and anxiety.

When she recovered she essentially told me, I had to keep moving forward. She reminds me, as if I could forget, that sickness can exacerbate her seizures. She is trying to mother me, although, I thought the mask I wore was calm and peaceful. I cannot shroud my heart from her. This has been a blow to her, though she thinks she has disguised it with the right words.

She wants me to go on as though it didn't happen, and so I will outwardly. But, I may have many reasons to come inside today. It's just the way it has to be.

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