Thursday, July 29, 2010

I keep waiting for the change in weather that signals nesting again. This is all wrong. I know it, yet I still do it. Looking beyond today to plan tomorrow....but today then will never exist for me. Just now I caught myself in the midst of dreaming of curling up by the fire - and I am sitting in the sun of my office whilst children are playing in my swimming pool. When will I remember to enjoy today? This is rhetorical. I am not sure that I want the answer.

September will feel so different for me. Mik will be back in school in September. I am not sure what that will mean for me. Will I work? Will I live a life of leisure? Anyone who really knows me will know this is not possible. I think I thrive on flexibility and chaos.

This is why, even when I am tired, I would welcome anyone to come over. This is why, even when I am hot and sticky...not the way I want to be....is when I can look forward to those nights of curling up with a great book by the fire. Inside I know that today is most important. Enjoy what I have now for all of life is fleeting....it sounds morose and somber...and probably mostly realistic.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Look Where you Want to Go

Look where you want to go is one of the first things the instructor taught us. Riding along River Rd. yet again last night I thought about this as we were hitting a few sharp curves. I was looking ahead, beyond the corner, to where I was going. The parallel to life did not escape me. If you focus on the wrong thing, you will crash. If you keep looking to where you want to be - you will arrive.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I don't take things for granted anymore. I am grateful for the many good days we have had, but I am ever mindful that I am appreciative of health and peace. I had no warning the other day. No inkling whatsoever. It happened completely out of the blue. Then again today, in one of those nonchalant moments when nothing is happening and suddenly you are pulled back into the din and mire...the reminder that you are one moment away from instability. Without making too much out of this, and falling in to that grey space full of morose and anxiety, let me say how much I appreciate each moment, nanosecond, breath now, and leave it right there.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I think I am Punny

We went to the cabin with friends this past weekend. Mojitos, beer, tofu, steaks, reading, campfires, jembe (?) and laughter. I always expect laughter in a friendship. Laughing at ourselves, at each other, at puns, or quirks. In my naivete I have thought that most friendships were like this. It is only after I was reminded by someone that they "don't always get my humour" that it occurred to me that I might cross the line with some...or, worse, they might not think I am funny. To have my friend laugh so hard my kids heard her from the beach is so rewarding. To know that a little jibe or poking fun will be well received....even if the ego is a little bruised. I sometimes joke at their expense...or mine....I don't play favorites. To tease, as only a friend of twenty plus years can, is to solidify the intimacy we have shared. Both couples have raised four children, had our share of "family situations" talked through strategies of all sorts - saving money, quitting work, buying the couch we want. Our husbands have lost many ____keys, bankcards, pairs of glasses at the wrong time that we can now joke about. We have gone through our fashion changes, hair faux pas, legalistic moments, and soul searching. We have painted each others' houses, a surprise for her husband, and a surprise for me. They are enjoying grandparenting, and we get to share in that joy with them, indulging the stories....because they really do make us laugh and smile.

The thing I love most about my friends is that they have always let us be who we are. Ken in the goofiest of hats....(you can check his blog for those who don't believe me...motorcycho.blogspot.com) Me, in the nerdiest of moments having to espouse my knowledge just to straighten them out. It is amazing how many times they have had to rely on me to set the record straight - about marshmallow diets and sunscreen, historical facts, math or the rules of cribbage. I don't mean to be the know-it-all by any stretch. They just have trouble retaining useless information when I am around. If I don't know the answer, they also know that I will dig until I find it. Then, they laugh at me. Not with me. At me. This is their inside joke.....the three of them against me. And so, laughter, even at me, is the most beautiful sound on earth.