Wednesday, May 9, 2012

normal

There are some days that blend into each other....days that remind us of normalcy. Routine. Though I am challenged to define normal. Normal 15 years ago would have meant 14 loads of laundry, a sick baby, chauffeuring kids to ballet, taekwando, piano, swimming, hockey, baseball, friends....Normal 5 years ago was cooking massive amounts of food for the gang of kids hanging at my house...Normal 2 years ago was dealing with dozens of seizures each day and trying ever so hard to pretend that this was okay.

I like that normal is always shifting shape...so really not routine. You get used to a phase, a stage and you adjust again.

Tonight is not normal. Tonight conjures up the heartaches 2 years ago. Endless seizures, crying, pleading, panic.

I need a new approach as I walk through this valley. I restrain myself from spiralling into the abyss of fear and worry. I resist forcing her to stay home from the party on Saturday.