Friday, November 23, 2012

Chill

She is there with her sister experiencing Oz...specifically Melbourne. We skype with her before the "epic" part of the journey begins in Cairns. "Dad, please don't text me every few minutes..I can't text back...it is expensive!" she pleads emphatically. I appear to be the chill one. "He does that?" I query...."Really?" He is laughing, that embarrassed laugh a parent gets at being chastised. "I mean it Dad....puleeeezzzz." "You wait 'til you're a parent," he uses with puppy dog eyes reminding her how loyal he is. We bid adieu and still the reality of her adventure has not registered fully. I am trying to remain in denial. It is much easier as I have no control with her as far as away from me as almost possible on this earth. Nestled in bed uncomfortable, unbidden thoughts begin. What if she loses her purse and her medicine is in her purse.... I arise and text her sister, hoping she has not left the airport yet. Hoping her sister can remind her of all the things I want to say right now but can't. Back in bed thoughts are churning. Anxiety rises and falls with the placating of logic to quell the fear. The logic, just the reminder that I have trained her well enough to manage without me always. The logic also that nothing can be controlled....even "epic" adventures. I am sure she will have stories to tell of the Great Barrier Reef...of the kindness and unkindness of strangers...of how wonderful and awe inspiring places and moments and memories are. Love you my dear....have fun...

Friday, November 16, 2012

Journey to the other side of the world....

...alone...Vancouver to Sydney and then on to Melbourne... and she missed the flight to Melbourne. I am standing chatting with my team and saying how she is just landing when my Kimee texts that she missed the plane. Heart drops and then nervously I laugh at the joke on me. Our family does this...tease at the obvious that could happen.. She really did miss the flight. Apparently deplaning is a major event when you have been sitting for more than 15 hours... I am still waiting on her arrival in Melbourne. Geema is now tracking her plane. She's 37 minutes out was the last report...I am so grateful she has a computer and is part of the adventure.... The munchkin will soon arrive and then take off in a few days for an adventure down under. Snakes, spiders and jellyfish await her observation. This journey will be a lot like the last few years for us. Uncharted territory, scary moments and opening up to the big wide world that she had never experienced. As you follow the road in the land of Oz I hope you collect the people along the way that will lead you to where you want to go. See you down there honey!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Dreams

I have been having bad dreams of late..the kind that wake you - and others. Perhaps anxiety filled...perhaps a result of the coming adventure. Mik will embark on a journey alone.....Overseas to the land of Oz. An almost 18 hour flight solo...no protection but her dreads. I was not helped by the well-meaning comment to inquire about the blood clot the size of loon that still sits on the right side of the brain. I was not assuaged that she is confident - I know that now because the dreams that plague me seem to reveal the precarious emotional state that I feel placed in. To release her and yet want to still protect her. I am the mother-bird. The one that wants to push them from the nest and yet quickly soar beneath just in case the wings are not ready for the rush of wind. Can you fault me? Really? My life has been wrapped up in her protection. From a premature baby less than 4 pounds...and then to a brittle asthmatic...we moved valiantly to stages that felt normal until the world seem to stop for her and I. Her life was always balanced precariously with health. Struggling to survive, breathe and ultimately to live. I release her now, trying ever so hard to warn her of the perils of naivete as she ventures to Cairns and Byron Bay. I sense she is not as afraid of people as she is the fragility that her humanity has thrust upon her.