Saturday, October 12, 2013

neurology

We said goodbye to Children's Hospital this week. She moves on to adulthood and adult decisions. I am at peace with this and with the choices she will make. I sat, mostly passive and listening until questioned. I let her explain her plans of folic acid, holistic nutrition and motorcycle riding. She justified the danger and her rebut was laced with the wisdom of someone who has not had control and yet flowed with it. Biking, at least you can look where you want to go...and usually get there. The intern reminds her of the lesion, the vulnerability of her head...She is nonplussed and responds when the neurologist echos the vulnerability, but is referring to all motorcyclists...not just her. I am suppressing a smile and the urge to repeat how dangerous it is to walk across a street in Vancouver, bicycle and a flurry of things come to mind. Biting my inner cheeks, I don't defend. I just smile and let them know that I ride as well. They are both wide-eyed and I don't think expecting this. Their warnings quell and turn to curiosity - as though I am an anomaly. There are some things you cannot explain.They have either never done it...didn't like it...or fear encompassed them and stole the joy of the wide open space that envelopes and takes you in to become a part of it. My hope is, for all my kids, that they will develop their own perspective, without prejudice; they will embrace new things and bank with the fear instead of trying to avoid it - that makes for a messy, dangerous corner. I hope they will know they cannot control everything, but that is not always negative. I want them to experience the twists of the roads, and the unknown around the corners...and be okay with that. I will be fine if the I-5 is their choice too. Predictable with clear road signs and lots of places along the way. There will still be junctions - choices and bumps and fear. That is life. I anticipate that they will have a mixture of the interstate with the wend and bend tree lined tarmac...and they will be fine.